Tips for Stress-Free Entertaining

Many of us set pretty high standards for ourselves when it comes to entertaining. For example, when hosting a dinner party, people often think that everything must be homemade, that they need to cook a fancier dinner than usual, that there must be several courses to the dinner (all prepared by them), and that every inch of the house must be spotless. When you develop chronic pain, meeting these standards becomes more difficult, and by the time you finish preparing for your guests to arrive, you are too fatigued and sore to enjoy their company. As a result, people often stop entertaining.

In the program, we encourage our patients to challenge their distorted thoughts or unrealistic standards about entertaining. For example, ask yourself this: What is the most important part of having friends over - the type of food you serve? The cleanliness of your house? The company of people you enjoy and care about? If you answered #3 (and I hope you did!), then invest your time and energy in enjoying the event, not in the preparation.

Finally, it is important for you to share the reasons for your change in entertaining style with your friends, to prevent any misunderstandings or confusion. After all, if you have always refused offers of help in the past, your friends may be taken aback by an invitation to a pot luck dinner! Focus on the benefits of changing your routine, such as:
"My arthritis has made it very difficult for me to manage the physical demands of hosting an elaborate dinner party - I end up being tired and sore and I don't enjoy myself. I miss those dinner parties & I really miss your company. I would love to find a way for us to enjoy a meal together. How would you feel about having a pot luck dinner (or a pizza party, meeting for dinner at a restaurant) next Saturday?

Practical Tips:
Consider these alternatives to the "Do it all yourself" dinner party:
- provide the main course & dessert for a fancy dinner party, but ask guests to bring appetizers or a salad.
- throw a "pot luck" dinner
- invite friends for a casual family-style supper - a one pot dinner, soup & sandwiches, BBQ & salad.
- Have a cocktail party, with drinks and appetizers, instead of a formal dinner
- Throw a "nobody has to cook party" - order take-out & play cards, watch the playoffs, rent movies or just enjoy each other's company.
- Arrange to meet your friends at a local restaurant instead.